


Yuuwaku (Temptation)

by aegicheezu



Series: Yuuwaku (Temptation) - an eternal love story [1]
Category: BUCK-TICK, Jrock, X-Japan
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 21:52:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11677803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aegicheezu/pseuds/aegicheezu
Summary: Hideto and Atsushi have a few drinks, and get physical and philosophical. Chapter names are meant to be lines of conversation between the boys.*Set in 1993 (Art of Life/Darker Than Darkness-Style’93 eras)*Hide is capitalized for ease of reading.





	1. You're Clumsier Than You Look.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hide](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hide/gifts).



> I tried to imagine how the two might have organically gotten together, and I was inspired by the song Gessekai (which you can find here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePYcUKVM1VM
> 
> (I recommend having the song playing on a loop as you read!)
> 
> This is a fic about Hide, which means of course that at the end, we deal with his passing. I, along with so many others, firmly believe that his death was an accident rather than a suicide, so that's how I've written this.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Would you pick up the damn phone, Hide? Atsushi thought angrily. Finally, the other man picked up. Atsushi didn’t even wait for Hide to ask who it was before whining, “I’ve had a fight with our manager and I want a drink. Come over now.”

“Atsushi, is that you?” Hide laughed, his voice like a delicate glass bell being gently rung. “I’ll be over soon, stop pouting.” He joked. He always gets so cross when things don’t go his way, Hide thought smiling. He’s such a child sometimes. Without hesitation, he got up from where he’d been sat on the couch and, briefly fixing his mass of red hair, he left his apartment with a flourish.

He arrived in front of Atsushi’s place with an armful of beer and snacks; on a hunch, he tried the front door. It opened smoothly, and Hide let himself in.

“I’m here,” he announced softly. There was music playing from a record player and a few cans of beer already lying empty on the table. But where was Atsushi?

“Acchan?” Hide called, shutting the door behind him and tiptoeing inside.

“In the kitchen!” a voice called out. “Could you grab the bandages in my bathroom? I’ve sliced my hand by accident!” Alarmed, Hide dropped his grocery bags and flung himself to the kitchen. There was Atsushi, hunched over his hand by the sink. His arm was dripping with thin streams of blood.

“Jesus, Acchan, what did you do?” Hide grabbed his hand and put it under the tap, running cold water.

“I was just cutting some veggies. I was going to try my hand at making tempura dishes,” he smirked. “Guess that didn’t work.”

“Keep your hand under the cold water, I’ll be right back with bandages, alright?” Hide’s voice was all concern. Listening to Hide’s purposeful footsteps and the clattering of him rummaging through the bathroom for first aid supplies, Atsushi laughed despite the pain in his hand.

Upon returning from the bathroom, bandages in hand, Hide continued to scold Atsushi in his mothering tone. “You need to be careful, Acchan,” he started, “If you’re going to handle knives, at least put your hair up! You can’t see a damn thing when it covers your eyes,” he shoved Atsushi’s shoulder playfully. Atsushi grinned his crooked grin as he watched the other man flit around him, wagging his finger.

“You’re right, you’re right, I’m sorry,” Atsushi repeated whenever he could get a word in edgewise between Hide’s admonishments.

“Here, give me your hand,” Hide said finally, “I think the bleeding has mostly stopped since it’s been in cold water.” He readied a length of white bandage. Standing close to Atsushi, he couldn’t help but hold his breath, though he didn’t know why. He carefully held Atsushi’s wounded hand in one of his while he wound the bandage around it with this other. He smells good, despite all of this, Hide remarked. What’s that scent? Is it new? I can’t place it…

“This is a pretty intimate thing, I guess, huh?” Atsushi said softly after a while. “I can smell your cologne.” Hide looked up from his work suddenly, taken aback that he’d been thinking the same thing.

“Is it nice?” was all Hide managed to say, swallowing hard. What’s with that look he’s giving me suddenly? He thought.

“Yeah, it’s nice,” Atsushi smiled. “Thanks for this, by the way.” He bumped Hide’s forehead with his own.

“It’s no problem, Acchan,” Hide tried to focus. “But you really should be more careful.”

“If I hadn’t drank so much already, I wouldn’t have bled so much. It’s not that deep a cut. I’m sorry I scared you.” He confessed.

“How much have you had already?” Hide’s alarmed voice crept back. “How bad was your fight with the manager anyway?”

“Don’t be mad at me Hide,” Atsushi whined. “I hate it when you’re mad at me.” Atsushi’s eyes betrayed something else, something beyond apology. But Hide couldn’t quite place it.

“I’m not mad at you, Acchan,” Hide said softly, taking his chin in his hand. “I was just scared when I saw all the blood. I don’t like to think of you hurt.”

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” Atsushi patted Hide’s head. “Thanks for this,” he said again. Hide finished wrapping the injured hand and they stood silently in the kitchen for a moment.

“So, what did you fight about, anyway?”

“Just some creative differences, really. I have an idea for a song and he hated it.”

“And you’re getting angry-drunk because of that?” Hide grinned.

“Oh, not you too,” Atsushi moaned, throwing his head back theatrically. “You know how much I love writing! It’s a big deal for me.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Something’s really on his mind tonight, Hide thought. He doesn’t usually get so petulant. I don’t want to push it, but…

“Let’s have a drink,” Atsushi concluded, “leave the mess, I’ll clear it up tomorrow.” He gestured to the medley of vegetables, some chopped, some whole, strewn about the countertops.

“Alright,” Hide agreed, and, resting a hand against Atsushi’s back, guided him to his sofa. “I brought supplies,” he added, “including your favourite snacks.”

“Thanks,” Atsushi mumbled quietly, as he attempted to light a cigarette. It proved rather difficult, with one bandaged hand.

“Here, let me,” Hide took the lighter from the other man. He felt his heart beat harder with every millisecond their faces were so close. What is with me tonight? He thought. Not daring to look Atsushi in the eye, he lit the man’s cigarette where it rested, between full lips. Had he looked up to meet Atsushi’s gaze, however, he would have seen how intently the other man was staring down at him in that moment.

Atsushi inhaled deeply, as if allowing the nicotine to travel through every vein in his body. “Thanks,” he smiled. Hide took one of Atsushi’s cigarettes and lit one for himself. He leaned into the sofa. “Ah, before you get too comfortable,” Atsushi continued, “Could you crack open another beer for me?”

Hide smiled. “I see that’s going to be my main job for the evening, huh? Cigarette lighter and bottle opener extraordinaire?”

Atsushi laughed. “I suppose so,” he admitted sheepishly, smiling.

The men laughed at the ridiculousness of the evening.


	2. Are You Always This Talkative When You're Drunk?

It wasn’t long before a few empty beer cans became a half dozen; between childishly arguing over what music to put on the record player next and which man’s turn it was for the rounds and rounds of 20 Questions they tried to play, the apartment was filled with laughter.

“I’m glad you’re feeling a little better, Acchan,” Hide smiled as he took another sip of beer. “I don’t like seeing you so out of sorts.”

Atsushi smiled back. “He just really got under my skin about this song idea I’ve got.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Atsushi took another long sip. He leaned back on the sofa and stared at the ceiling. “I had a dream the other night.”

“Oh?” Hide asked.

“It wasn’t a very good one,” Atsushi continued. “It felt so real, I couldn’t get it out of my mind. It really did feel like I was there.” He turned to glance over at Hide, who was now mimicking his pose on the couch, faces tilted up towards the ceiling. What a pretty profile, Atsushi thought. Should I tell him the rest?

“Well, what was the dream about, Acchan?” Hide seemed to have read his mind.

Atsushi swallowed hard. “Promise me you won’t be mad.” He said slowly.

Hide turned to face Atsushi; they sat silently for a few moments looking at each other sideways on the couch. “I promise.” He replied softly, with kind eyes. What’s with that look? Atsushi wondered.

“Well,” Atsushi began, hesitant. “I had a dream that you had… died suddenly. No one knew what happened, just that you were here one moment and gone the next. I saw flashes of news reports and crowds of crying people and your members giving press conferences, I was there too… I couldn’t stop crying.” Atsushi felt a crack in his voice as he remembered just how real it had felt. “I woke up in a sweat, my pillow was soaked as if I’d been crying in my sleep.” Atsushi kept his eyes firmly locked onto the ceiling. I can’t even look at you now or else I’ll start crying again, he thought.

“Atsushi…” Hide whispered, “I’m not going anywhere, I’m right here.” He slid closer to where the other man was sitting on the sofa. “Look at me, will you? I’m not dead.” He rested his head against Atsushi’s shoulder; and almost as if that were the signal his mind needed, Atsushi began to cry. “Oh, no…” Hide comforted. “Shhh…” He cradled Atsushi in his arms a while. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Atsushi said after a while, drying his tears. “It was just… It was just so real, I couldn’t take it.” He tried to smile. “Don’t tell the others that you’ve seen me cry, got it?” He tried to sound tough.

“Acchan,” Hide whispered, “Don’t try to be a tough guy now,” He smoothed the other’s long black hair, twirling the ends through his fingers. Hide smiled gently. “So you wrote a song about the dream?” What does it say about me? Hide couldn’t help but wonder.

“It’s still unfinished,” Atsushi answered, sniffling. He rose from the sofa and padded off to his bedroom, returning quickly with a tattered notebook – he kept all his song scribblings in there. “Here,” he gave it to Hide, “tell me what you think.”

Hide read the hastily scrawled lyrics closely, studying Atsushi’s handwriting. He must have written this immediately after waking up from it, he thought. “It’s beautiful,” Hide said finally. What else can I say about a song written inspired by a nightmare like that?

“But my producer said it was too much.” Atsushi took a drag from his cigarette and ran a hand through his hair. “We had a huge fight about it, because the visions from the dream were still so raw in my mind that every negative thing he said about the song felt like he was insulting… you. And I couldn’t deal with that.”

“So you were defending my honor, huh?” Hide couldn’t help but smile. He gently nudged Atsushi’s shoulder.

“In a way,” Atsushi replied. Turning to look at the other man, Atsushi noticed Hide’s eyes change again. This time, they looked… what on earth was that? Hungry? “Here,” he gave Hide his cigarette, “Have a drag.”

Hide poked his head closer, inviting Atsushi to put the cigarette between his lips himself. Without missing a beat, Atsushi obliged, allowing himself a moment to look more closely at the other’s face. Should I… tell him the rest? He wondered. As if shaking the very thought from his mind, he shook his head.

“Acchan,” Hide said after a comfortable silence. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m very happy.” He turned to face the other again, and smiled. I know you worry about my depressive episodes, Hide said with his eyes. But I’m right here.

“Hide, it was awful.” Atsushi admitted. “I woke up terrified that you’d actually gone.” He took his turn resting his head on Hide’s shoulder now. “I immediately wrote the song, somehow thinking that I’d have to deliver it like a dedication.” He nestled closer into the curve of Hide’s neck, breathing in. He could feel the alcohol making his skin warm.

“Let’s talk about happier things, Acchan,” Hide replied gently. “We’re both here.”

“That’s right, isn’t it,” Atsushi hummed softly into Hide’s neck. Without thinking too much about it and before he could stop himself, he pressed his lips gently against Hide’s skin.

Hide felt Atsushi kiss his neck softly. He didn’t stiffen in surprise, nor did he push the other man away. He simply turned his head slightly, and kissed Atsushi’s forehead in response.

The pair sat like that for a few moments. It was Atsushi that broke their comfortable quiet at last, saying softly, “I love you, Hide.”

Hide paused a moment before replying, “I love you too, Acchan.” And pressed another kiss to his forehead. “Are you feeling better, now?” He asked softly, drawing the younger man closer and wrapping his arms around the other’s frame. He inhaled deeply, breathing in Atsushi’s scent. He smelled of soft rain, somehow. It was nice.

“Hide,” he began, “What have we done?”

“What do you mean?”

“Can we… can we…”

“Live like this?” Hide finished for him. “I don’t know,” he answered his own question. “But we can certainly try, can’t we?” He looked at Atsushi, still nestled in his neck. You’re such a baby, Hide thought lovingly.

“I’d like that,” Atsushi added. “I didn’t think it was going to be as easy as this to tell you how much I loved you.”

Hide smiled warmly at how earnest Atsushi was being. “Tell me, Acchan,” Hide ventured, “Tell me everything.” He kissed Atsushi’s cheek. So soft, he remarked.

“You want the truth, Hide?” Atsushi lifted his head gently and sat up straighter on the couch, still close. Hide nodded. “I’ve loved you since the day we met. Since I saw you play for the first time, since I head you sing. All I could think of was how wonderful you looked on stage…” Atsushi smiled, as if remembering the moment he’d first laid eyes on Hide. He ran a hand through his hair, shaking the long curtain from his face. “I remember thinking that I’d never seen anyone more beautiful.”

Hide couldn’t help the blush rising to his cheeks. “Acchan, I had no idea,” it was his turn to nestle into the curve of the other man’s neck. He continued, lips pressed to his neck, “do you want to know a secret?”

“Sure.”

“I think I fell in love with you on the same day.”

Atsushi couldn’t help but chuckle at the notion that it really had been love at first sight for both men. Didn’t that only happen in the songs they wrote?

“Hide,” Atsushi murmured, propping the other man up and resting their foreheads together. “Take me to bed.”

Hide kissed the other softly at first, pressing full lips together. Atsushi tasted of beer and cigarette smoke, somehow sweet. He rose to his feet, and led Atsushi to the bedroom.


	3. I Can See The Moonlight In Your Eyes

Hide clawed at Atsushi’s back. He had been pinned to the wall by the younger man, who was kissing hungrily at his neck and jaw. “Ah – Acchan…! You’ll leave a mark…”

“I don’t care,” Atsushi replied in a low growl. He kissed harder. Hide’s nails dug into Atsushi’s bare back. The room was dark, save for the light of the moon sending beams of light illuminating the two men. Hide grasped the back of Atsushi’s neck, pulling at the man’s long hair. Atsushi let out a sharp cry of pleasure at the feeling, and bit into Hide’s bare shoulder.

“Do that again…” Hide moaned. Atsushi obliged. He could feel how hard Hide had grown beneath him, their hips so closely pressed together. Overcome, Atsushi hoisted Hide’s legs around his hips and pressed him harder against the wall. Hide’s breath came hot and fast against Atsushi’s face.

“You’re so beautiful like this…” Atsushi moaned against Hide’s lips. “I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage to tell you sooner…” Atsushi cursed himself for not being brave enough. How much time had they wasted, dancing around their feelings? When all this time, they could have been together, like this…

“Acchan,” Hide groaned wantonly. “Stop apologizing, and fuck me… please…” He bit Atsushi’s lower lip, staring into his eyes.

Atsushi, still holding Hide up against the wall, spun him around and flung him gently onto the bed. Hide smiled greedily. “Come here,” he said laughing, arms outstretched. Atsushi fell into Hide’s embrace, resting a leg between Hide’s thighs and slowly grinding. A moan curled out of Hide’s pretty lips. Skillfully unbuttoning Hide’s jeans, he slipped a hand beneath the waistband and felt along his boxers, eliciting a gasp from the red-haired man beneath him. Hide’s hands ran up and down the length of Atsushi’s back, now a map of scratches from Hide’s nails, trails of red. Atsushi kissed down Hide’s body, pausing to lick and bite at patches of his pale skin, now growing red with bruises. He slipped off Hide’s jeans and in a smooth motion, took his length into his mouth. Hide grasped at Atsushi’s hair in delight at the feeling.

“Ahh…! Acchan…!” he breathed, while Atsushi bobbed his head slowly, as if savoring the taste of the other man. Atsushi could feel himself straining in his jeans, desperate for release. He kissed back up Hide’s shivering body, and guided the other man’s hands to help undo his own jeans. Hide obliged, and feverishly undid the other man’s buttons, practically ripping them from his legs. Atsushi fell on top of Hide, and pressed their faces together. A thin film of sweat coated both men’s brows as their eyes bore into each other. Two pools of caramel and molasses looking back at each other, like two mirrors infinitely reflecting.

“Now,” Hide growled, almost pleading. “Atsushi…” He tugged at the other’s long black hair. Atsushi kissed Hide deeply, moving his hand lower. He slowly massaged Hide where he lay and worked first one finger, then two, inside. Hide writhed in pleasure with every new sensation, his member twitching in anticipation. “Please… now,” he kept repeating, like an incantation.

Atsushi could no longer take the waiting, and took Hide’s legs, resting them against his shoulders as he gently pushed himself inside. Both men moaned at the feeling of connection; Atsushi throwing his head back, pieces of hair plastered to his forehead and neck with sweat.

He began to thrust slowly, developing a rhythm. Caressing Hide’s legs wrapped around his shoulders, he kissed at the skin he could reach. Hide’s happy moans filled the room, infusing the walls with memories of this pleasure. There’s no going back now, is there? Atsushi thought. “I love you, I love you, I love you,” he chanted, every thrust like a prayer.

“Atsushi…!” Hide cried. “Atsushi, I’m…!” Hide’s nails dug into Atsushi’s thigh.

“Come for me,” Atsushi growled. “Come, my love…!” He continued thrusting, more powerfully each time. Gripping Hide’s throbbing cock, he gently stroked. Hide’s hips rocked in response to Atsushi’s touch and almost instantly, the two men climaxed together, their cries shattering the walls around them.

Atsushi collapsed next to Hide, wrapping him in his arms, kissing all over his face. “I love you,” he said, voice strained. The men lay there, tangled, panting.

“I love you so much, Acchan,” Hide replied. “Don’t you dare ever leave my side.” He rested his hand at the nape of Atsushi’s neck and brought their heads together once more. “I mean it. Whatever happens to us from now on, I love you more than anything I’ve ever loved in my life.”

I want to remember this moment forever, Atsushi thought as he stared into the other’s deep brown eyes. He kissed Hide softly. “I’ll never love anyone else as long as I live,” he promised.

“Good,” Hide smiled. I want to freeze time, he thought. You have never looked more beautiful…

Wrapped in each other’s arms, sweat cooling, they slept as the moonlight danced across their bodies.


	4. You Said You'd Never Leave My Side; You Lied.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH.
> 
> This chapter broke my heart to write. I cried a lot.

Atsushi laid the heavy arrangement of flowers onto the stone grave. Face stained with tears, he felt his heart breaking into a thousand pieces. I can’t breathe, he thought. He knelt on all fours in front of the grave, suddenly overcome, and began to cry again. His shoulders shook with every sob. Thank god no one else is around to see this, he thought. There were dozens of floral offerings carefully arranged around the large headstone, mostly pink flowers honoring Hide’s iconic hairstyle. Atsushi could only weep at the thought of his lover’s vibrant hair, that he so often curled around his own fingers, that he grasped and pulled on in the throes of passion, that he braided and messed around with while they drank tea and dreamed up song lyrics. Why did you have to leave me? He demanded in his mind. We were supposed to be together forever. Didn’t you make me promise to stay by your side? Why did you have to be the first to die? Atsushi’s head swam with so many questions, he couldn’t stand the noise. He balled his hands into fists and pounded the cold, hard stone beneath where he knelt. In that moment, he wished above anything to die. I can’t live without you, he thought. Tears continued to fall from his stinging eyes, though no more sound could escape his lips.

Things will never be the same, he thought bitterly. I can’t go on without you…

Atsushi’s desperate thoughts were interrupted by a soft hand on his back. Startled, he sprang to his feet and was greeted by Yoshiki, sunglasses hiding eyes puffy and red with tears.

“Yoshiki-san!” Atsushi blurted, in surprise. He quickly tried to wipe his tears. Yoshiki offered a weak smile, and rested a hand on Atsushi’s arm.

“Acchan,” he said, voice hoarse from his own struggle to stop crying, “it’s alright, you know. To cry.”

“I’m sorry,” Atsushi said, head bowed. “I can’t bring myself to believe it.”

“Neither can we,” Yoshiki admitted. “But Atsushi,” he said, his voice a low whisper. “I know how hard this must be for you, especially. I know how much you two loved each other.”

Atsushi’s eyes widened. Had it really been so obvious, all this time? “Yoshiki-san, I…” he started. Yoshiki put his hand up, indicating that there was no need to explain.

“Don’t worry about a thing, Acchan,” he reassured, “your secret will be safe with me forever. He talked so lovingly about you, it wasn’t hard to guess about your relationship. It was an accident, Acchan. He was so happy. So happy…” Yoshiki began to weep again, and brought a hand to his eyes. His shoulders shook as if the weight of the world suddenly became too much; Atsushi's eyes filled with tears again. He pulled Yoshiki into his arms and rested a hand at the back of his neck. "He was so happy..." Yoshiki repeated. "He loved you so much..."

The two men embraced, weeping into each other’s shoulders.

 

*

 

_Red, yellow, sunflower; orange, ultramarine, hydrangea_   
_Red, yellow, sunflower; orange, ultramarine, hydrangea_

_Moonlight floating on a wave_   
_Moonlight in a deep sleep_

_Swimming alone in a dark sea_

_Moonlight floating on a wave_   
_Moonlight in a deep sleep_

_Running alone through a dark sky_   
_If only to meet you..._

_Red, yellow, sunflower; orange, ultramarine, hydrangea_   
_Red, yellow, sunflower; orange, ultramarine, hydrangea_

_Swimming alone in the deep darkness_   
_Until I meet you..._

_Red, yellow, sunflower; orange, ultramarine, hydrangea_

_Floating on a wave_   
_Red, yellow, sunflower_   
_Moonlight_   
_Orange, ultramarine, hydrangea_

_In a deep sleep_   
_Red, yellow, sunflower_   
_Moonlight_   
_Orange, ultramarine, hydrangea..._

The lyrics reverberated through every vein in Atsushi's body as he sang, gripping the microphone as the only thing holding him up. The stage lights, though low, still set his skin on fire. I feel like I'm going to burn alive, he kept thinking. Tears began forming in his eyes. I don't care, he thought, as he let them fall. I will cry for you every single day I am still alive on this earth without you... 

Can you hear me from heaven, Hide?


End file.
